I don't know if this forum is the right place to post this but anyway...

I'm a 20 years old junior software engineering student. I've always wanted to be a game developer and now I go to the uni & the department I've always wanted in order to achieve this goal.

Yet, I suck so badly at school and most importantly, I still have almost 0 knowlegde about programming or anything related to my field. Basically all I know is really basic and now half (or mostly) forgotten knowlegde about C and C++ that they taught us in the freshman year, and some SQL from last semester.

Since animation & art seemed to require more subjectivity and creativity (though I like to draw and stuff) I decided to end up being a game programmer since it's more straight forward and objective. Programming is the actual game itself and the rest of it is just polish (roughly) and I really adore & see John Carmack as my idol, and the fact that what made id Software's games revolutionary was their programming... are some other reasons why I want to be a programmer.

Anyway, eventhough I get the proper education and all, I couldn't be less motivated & more clueless. I'm in a state where I think I wasted all my time to achieve my dreams doing nothing. Rarely when I feel kind of motivated to actually do something I get stuck having no idea what to do since I don't know anything. I try to watch tutorials and I don't understand what I'm doing. I've begun lots and lots of tutorials lately. I watch a couple of episodes and get confused and bored and give up. My last attempt was last week, I decided to start learning C++ all over again and learn it for real so I could move on to work on games. But I got really bored, the beginning parts were things that I already knew but I wanted to still go through them to make sure, then I didn't have enough patience for the rest of it cause I got bored and started to think "this isn't gonna help me".

The conclusion is, I'm depressed, unmotivated, I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I don't wanna end up graduating from uni and become a waiter (I've tried working at several jobs during summer vacations, I couldn't stand any of them so I can't even become a waiter). I need guidance from someone that actually cares and will actually help me through, like a wise motivation buddy, I guess, since I don't see any hope in me succeeding anything by myself at this point. I doubt if anyone will even read this tho.

It sounds like you want to create games and you do a lot to learn how, but DO you work on games? I mean programming itself is boring. It only is interesting as a tool to solve an actual problem. And when this finally works, it's satisfactionary and motivating to go further to the next challenge. Personally i have absolutely no related education but started programming in childhood and learned what was actually necessary to make my games a thing. Anything i've learned there turned out useful later again so i did not forget anything.

I think with education we have the problem to teach people a lot of things, but they have no application for it and so it may seem unimportant / boring and whatever, and they forget and may never utilize the knowledge they've once learned.

So i suggest you start working on a Doom clone or something. Just for fun. Making a living of being a game developer might not work - no guarantees on that. But you can still enjoy working on games while earning money as a waiter - eventually even more than e.g. by making just the GUI of a AAA game.

Well you came to the right place, we are all here to help out. But there is no babysitting and holding hands. Basic knowledge of C# is all you need to create a game but you got to keep it simple enough. So take a real simple game and start to clone it, perhaps first something like Pong or look for something on the Play or App Store. I recommend staying away from Engines because they don't really teach you how to program properly, simply said they just teach you how to inject code in the engine. A framework like Monogame for C# or LibGDX for Java will teach you a lot more about programming and are a better choice if you actually want to learn a programming language, imho.

Really don't be bored and start creating simple games and learn as you go. If you are stuck don't be ashamed to drop your code here and together we make it work. The only tips I can currently give you is to keep your methods short and readable for both yourself and when you are looking for help.

4 hours ago, dsgus said:

I've always wanted to be a game developer and now I go to the uni & the department I've always wanted in order to achieve this goal.

That's a danger sign.  

4 hours ago, dsgus said:

Anyway, eventhough I get the proper education and all, I couldn't be less motivated & more clueless. I'm in a state where I think I wasted all my time to achieve my dreams doing nothing. Rarely when I feel kind of motivated to actually do something I get stuck having no idea what to do since I don't know anything. I try to watch tutorials and I don't understand what I'm doing. I've begun lots and lots of tutorials lately. I watch a couple of episodes and get confused and bored and give up.

Putting on my career counselling hat, I'm not entirely sure you actually want to develop games. 

Many game developers tell stories about how they built small games and found joy in it, tell stories about when they build their first text adventure games, their mastery of tic tac toe, writing their first AI, or their first time trying to figure out what the ideal move is under given circumstances. 

Why do you want to program games?  Is it because you enjoy playing games?  Or is it because you enjoy creating games?  What is your personal reason, what is your driving force, why do you personally decide you want the job of building games?

Here are some parallels:  I love to eat great food, and I enjoy cooking for myself, but I would hate to be a chef where I make everything to order all day every day.  I enjoy beautiful music, and I can play several instruments reasonably well, but I would hate the job where I must practice all day and perform every night, and I hate the stress of performing on stage. I enjoy movies but have absolutely no skill as an actor and wouldn't enjoy the job.  I love driving, but I have zero skills as a mechanic and zero skills if I were to try to build a car engine, those would be terrible jobs for me. 

Consuming something is different from creating something, and even if I do enjoy creating something it doesn't mean I want to create the thing for my career where I do it all day, every day.

Unfortunately there are people who feel that because they enjoy playing games they want to get a career creating games.  Some people follow that path even though they have no interest in creating games.  You can do it, you can force yourself to become skilled at something you don't enjoy, but it will be hard to find motivation in your life.

Game programmers tend to love programming. Game programmers can (and frequently do) pass the time discussing algorithms, reminisce talking about how the code had problems with one algorithm and how one day the programmer realized another algorithm would be perfect, or discuss why one data structure is abysmal and should only be used under duress. If that isn't your passion, you should consider what things you are passionate about.

If you could do anything in the world, what would it be?  When you have time on your hands  (other than being entertained) what do you do? What are your hobbies? What are your passions?

I've worked with several people who described a situation much like you did.  At a young age they decided they wanted to be a game developer because they enjoyed playing games. They focused on education that got the job they wanted.  They pushed hard to get into the career.  And when they finally got the job they discovered they were miserable.  One of them loved music, was always playing guitar, and after about two years at the company announced he was going to quit games and become a music teacher.  Another had the job for about six months and then said that their best experience was not making games, but was the job working in a nursery with plants as they worked their way through school, they were quitting to go work with plants again.  They were so fixated on what they thought was the ideal job that they forgot to look around, to look inside themselves, and never figured out what they truly enjoyed.

There is a great book called "What Color Is Your Parachute?" that talks about it.  I strongly recommend finding a copy. It's been a best-seller for decades so you can find recent editions in libraries and used book stores if you prefer that to buying it.  Inside the book there is a section called the Flower Diagram. The purpose is to spend time identifying what you deeply enjoy, what you are passionate about, your most favored people environments, your most favored industry environments, your most favored living environments, and so on, and identify what can bring your own personal bliss.  I suggest you get a copy and work through the exercises.

It is entirely possible that you work through the exercises and figure out that you really do love programming, that given any job in the world you would choose the job of creating software above all others, and that you're merely in a slump at the moment.  In that case, wonderful. You can find ways to get through the slump but know you're on the path to your personal bliss.  Or you may work through the exercises and discover your personal bliss is something else. In that case, also wonderful, you'll still be on your way to your own personal bliss.

Go get a copy of the book, read it, and figure out your own personal bliss.

I don't have any expertise as a programmer ... coding and languages always confused and intimidated me so I went the artist/designer route. And while I don't work in the gaming industry (I do, but not in the sense of making games), I think what might be of use to use is trying out a couple game jams (the 48 hour ones). It's a small enough investment (usually a full weekend), and because of you have people relying on you to help build something, you'll be focused and committed to doing whatever it takes to get your small idea built.

And most of the time, devs end up with something unplayable, buggy, and aesthetically horrifying. But if you had fun and the game idea is strong, you can pursuit it further. If not, then try out another jam later on down the line after you've destressed from the previous one. You'd be surprised at how much you can learn in a small burst of development which can help motivate you through getting started.

3 hours ago, Tom Sloper said:

I hate to sidetrack the thread (which I think frob answered perfectly), but I have to ask: what are "sevap points"? Google says "sevap" is a Turkish word, but I didn't look more deeply into that. A better title for the thread would be "Need clues and motivation tips," or "Am I in the right degree program?" or something that clearly tells us what the question is.

"Sevap" (which doesn't translate to English) is the antonym of sin. "Sevap points" is a joke like when I help my friend with something and she goes like "thank you thank you" I could say "ah it's nothing, I'm gaining sevap points afterall" etc. The title initially was "help me I don't know what I'm doing with my life" and I thought it was cringe and people didn't reply so I've upgraded it to a funny version eventhough no one would get the joke

4 hours ago, Azroix said:

I don't have any expertise as a programmer ... coding and languages always confused and intimidated me so I went the artist/designer route. And while I don't work in the gaming industry (I do, but not in the sense of making games), I think what might be of use to use is trying out a couple game jams (the 48 hour ones). It's a small enough investment (usually a full weekend), and because of you have people relying on you to help build something, you'll be focused and committed to doing whatever it takes to get your small idea built.

And most of the time, devs end up with something unplayable, buggy, and aesthetically horrifying. But if you had fun and the game idea is strong, you can pursuit it further. If not, then try out another jam later on down the line after you've destressed from the previous one. You'd be surprised at how much you can learn in a small burst of development which can help motivate you through getting started.

6 hours ago, frob said:

That's a danger sign.  

Putting on my career counselling hat, I'm not entirely sure you actually want to develop games. 

Many game developers tell stories about how they built small games and found joy in it, tell stories about when they build their first text adventure games, their mastery of tic tac toe, writing their first AI, or their first time trying to figure out what the ideal move is under given circumstances. 

Why do you want to program games?  Is it because you enjoy playing games?  Or is it because you enjoy creating games?  What is your personal reason, what is your driving force, why do you personally decide you want the job of building games?

Here are some parallels:  I love to eat great food, and I enjoy cooking for myself, but I would hate to be a chef where I make everything to order all day every day.  I enjoy beautiful music, and I can play several instruments reasonably well, but I would hate the job where I must practice all day and perform every night, and I hate the stress of performing on stage. I enjoy movies but have absolutely no skill as an actor and wouldn't enjoy the job.  I love driving, but I have zero skills as a mechanic and zero skills if I were to try to build a car engine, those would be terrible jobs for me. 

Consuming something is different from creating something, and even if I do enjoy creating something it doesn't mean I want to create the thing for my career where I do it all day, every day.

Unfortunately there are people who feel that because they enjoy playing games they want to get a career creating games.  Some people follow that path even though they have no interest in creating games.  You can do it, you can force yourself to become skilled at something you don't enjoy, but it will be hard to find motivation in your life.

Game programmers tend to love programming. Game programmers can (and frequently do) pass the time discussing algorithms, reminisce talking about how the code had problems with one algorithm and how one day the programmer realized another algorithm would be perfect, or discuss why one data structure is abysmal and should only be used under duress. If that isn't your passion, you should consider what things you are passionate about.

If you could do anything in the world, what would it be?  When you have time on your hands  (other than being entertained) what do you do? What are your hobbies? What are your passions?

 

I've worked with several people who described a situation much like you did.  At a young age they decided they wanted to be a game developer because they enjoyed playing games. They focused on education that got the job they wanted.  They pushed hard to get into the career.  And when they finally got the job they discovered they were miserable.  One of them loved music, was always playing guitar, and after about two years at the company announced he was going to quit games and become a music teacher.  Another had the job for about six months and then said that their best experience was not making games, but was the job working in a nursery with plants as they worked their way through school, they were quitting to go work with plants again.  They were so fixated on what they thought was the ideal job that they forgot to look around, to look inside themselves, and never figured out what they truly enjoyed.

 

There is a great book called "What Color Is Your Parachute?" that talks about it.  I strongly recommend finding a copy. It's been a best-seller for decades so you can find recent editions in libraries and used book stores if you prefer that to buying it.  Inside the book there is a section called the Flower Diagram. The purpose is to spend time identifying what you deeply enjoy, what you are passionate about, your most favored people environments, your most favored industry environments, your most favored living environments, and so on, and identify what can bring your own personal bliss.  I suggest you get a copy and work through the exercises.

 

It is entirely possible that you work through the exercises and figure out that you really do love programming, that given any job in the world you would choose the job of creating software above all others, and that you're merely in a slump at the moment.  In that case, wonderful. You can find ways to get through the slump but know you're on the path to your personal bliss.  Or you may work through the exercises and discover your personal bliss is something else. In that case, also wonderful, you'll still be on your way to your own personal bliss.

Go get a copy of the book, read it, and figure out your own personal bliss.

Actually my freshman year was a bliss. We had the "Indroduction to programming 1&2 (1 being fall semester with C and 2 being spring semester with C++)" the rest was common stuff like maths, chemistry, history etc (for fresman and sophomore years there are like 18 commmon classes and 6 software classes, at junior year we actually fully focus on our field). I had fun learning C and C++, I spent time to study them at home, tried making custom little stuff... and for the C++ part, we had to do a custom project. I paired up with my current homemate and he didn't even touch the project so I had to do it all by myself, it was challanging yet I thought it was a good learning experience and I've wrote like a thousand lines of code (eventhough later on I asked for the professor's opinion and found out I could write it 4 times shorter which I did afterwards). I also attended to this Unity course who was given by this crazy talented student who also was a freshman (and is #*@!ing succesful as a game developer already right now, he's gained scholarships and been on the newspaper and shit early this year). It was also fun. During summer I went to this event which lasted a few days and was a mixed thing with software, innovation, networking, seminars and parties, drinking, camping, fun. They've made a little game jam there which I've also attended. Eventhough I didn't last 48 hours but like 20 with lots of cigarette breaks etc, and ended up only being able to make my characters run around, I had a blast in general. But everything went downhill on my 2nd year and my 2nd and 3rd years went awfully wrong (3rd year being the sophomore year again since I failed with a gpa around 1.6 out of 4.0). I kind of blame staying at a dorm at 2nd year (I hate dorms so much) and becoming overly addicted to gaming thanks to starting stupid games of Overwatch and Paladins (they're competitive and they make you have to play everyday all day and grind currency & loot so you can get those stupid skins during limited time events; I quit both games and uninstalled them for good like 3 days ago cause they were cancer for my life). During these 2 years I didn't do any coding at all. We didn't have any classes with coding except for Database Systems which uses SQL. Instead we had several hardcore, God tier maths, 2 software engineering classes that they teach you about work life and approaches and stuff, they were fun but they didn't have anything to do with coding etc. And this, again God tier Algorithms and Data Structures class which I failed twice and is one of the most hard and boring things I've ever seen in my entire life.

In conclusion, I know the maths and algorithms etc are necessary, but I loved coding and it was the basis of keeping my motivation somehow cause coding is practical and tangible and somewhat fun, and it keeps you want to learn and discover more as you go. But being away from it for 2 years which past with depression, social struggles and hardcore game addiction made me forget all about it and I'm so terrified of spending 3 years at uni and having almost 0 knowlegde and skill at this point. This keeps me from practicing or enjoying working on software at the moment. 

29 minutes ago, GeneralJist said:

Sounds like what you might need is a team.

A lot of these personal motivational problems can be overcome, or at minimum helped with having a motivated trusted group of people working with you. 

Thanks for the lovely response. Also please let me know if there's another way to reply other than quoting the whole thing... A friend of mine who's been doing pretty well since I've met him, and now has graduated, told me that he wasn't so good at first either, but he found himself some teammates from school, and they did all of their studies projects (either for school or independantly, and including classes like maths) together, and it really helped his motivation and overall performance. I think that's a great idea too. Yet my 2 closest friends from school are so lazy and doesn't care much about these stuff, one of em doesn't even think of actually ending up as a sofware engineer. I've tried to befriend a few succesful people, but they're quite ahead of me and one of them is telling me to start developing an android app together right away like I could do that ? I might consider finding some freshman friends or something but I'm not such an outgoing person irl and having 2 years in between might be an issue regarding classes maybe. Do you have any suggestions for finding such people to work with? Can you give any advice to hunt these people at school or do you know any online platforms or communities for finding such teammates maybe? I'd like to hear.

29 minutes ago, GeneralJist said:

When you  were playing these games, were you also thinking about how you cold change, or make things better?

If not, maybe creating games is not for you. 

Anyone can play a game and spend hours on it, but a game designer plays and looks at the mechanics and components. working them in their head. Writing and drawing diagrams. 

Games is an endurance sport. It's great if you can go fast at the beginning, but if you can't finish, or if you can't keep up a good pace, and update likewise, it can become a big drag. 

  Instead of going indie from the start, making your own game from scratch, have you ever considered modding? Modifying your favorite games?

That's where I started, and it can be less intimidating, and easier to find like minded people/ The down side, is you can't make money. It can be a good place to start, if your intimidated by the big games.

Yeah I do that sometimes, not exactly as you've described it but I think of what makes a game good or what could be done better here and there. I also have some notes for a few game ideas. They're not too technically written (with diagrams and stuff as you said) but good enough to describe all the general and specific things I have in mind . Though all of them are AAA games ?

I'm really unfamiliar with modding except for installing a couple for the Sims 4 this year ? My mindset is about training and improving myself and putting building blocks to eventually become a AAA game dev. Like I would refuse to learn Java cause I need C++ or C# to write a game. I know it's an awful way of thinking and not realistic. I'm trying to end my idea of "learning multiple things will prevent me to ever expertise this one thing" tho. Now that I think of it, modding sounds interesting and fun, not sure how it works and if it will help me as the way I think but it's worth to checking out imo. Again, would be glad to hear more about this from you  

29 minutes ago, GeneralJist said:

Also, this might be too personal, but are you on medication for your depression?

If your not, you should, especially  given how much you've mentioned it.  Depending on your healthcare, you might also want to get a counselor.

There is no shame in asking for professional guidance. Anyone who puts you down because of mental health issues is ignorant.  Mental health is one of the biggest things in our society that people refuse to talk about.

Regarding my depression, I took psychological and psychiatric help for about 1.5-2 years from the beginning of uni for these and some other issues though they didn't really work and I wasn't taking my pills properly etc. And since my family is paying a lot for my school and getting such help is really damn expensive and not working, I cut it. But such issues actually escalated in these last 2 years especially as my academic life went extremely downhill. I think if I can get myself to achieve things in life and develop as a programmer and all, I will overcome these with ease. Doing the absolute nothing irl but achieving a lot in games isn't any helpful obviously ?