As to other times, I avoid people at all costs - the dirty looks at the supermarket (despite taking great pains to be polite) are enough to remind me that the hate is still there.

This has become increasingly incomprehensible.

There must be something you're not telling us about your appearance. Either you bear an uncanny
resemblance to Adolf Hitler, or there's something else about your appearance that makes people take
an instant disliking to you, or ...?

Because what you're saying is simply not making any sense.

The only reason this doesn't make any sense to you is because you still cling to the idea that human begins default to "good". Human being are hairless chimpanzees whoa re one trigger away from an incoherent rage. Surrender all your good thoughts of humanity and it will make perfect sense.

And for the record, people have told me I look either like C. Thomas Howell in "The Outsiders" (there's an apt title) or Matthew Broderick.

Also, you've now "talked" to me far more than most people, which means that we're well past the point the effect would remain. You are now immune to whatever ails me - you will never feel the effect directly again.

P.S.:

When this thread is finished, can I request it be deleted? I don't want future employers using this as ammunition.

As to other times, I avoid people at all costs - the dirty looks at the supermarket (despite taking great pains to be polite) are enough to remind me that the hate is still there.

If you're really, truly getting hateful looks, I again suggest that some aspect of your self-presentation is to blame. Or possibly nothing is actually wrong, the hateful looks are all in your head, and you have a perception of yourself and the world that has been warped away from reality by the very negative experiences you've had, causing you to see hate where only neutrality exists. Bear in mind that "resting bitch-face" is a thing, so even your average human will sometimes see negativity where none actually exists!

How do you usually dress when you visit the supermarket? Do you often leave the house without taking care of personal grooming and hygene? How much thought have you given to precisely why you're getting all this negative attention? You come across as having not given this much thought beyond "people hate me for some reason."

You see yourself as "The Other;" what is the source of that Otherness?

The only reason this doesn't make any sense to you is because you still cling to the idea that human begins default to "good". Human being are hairless chimpanzees whoa re one trigger away from an incoherent rage. Surrender all your good thoughts of humanity and it will make perfect sense.

As someone who used to believe the same thing - this viewpoint is both not accurate and extremely unhealthy. Human beings default to "neutral." The vast majority of human beings are not "one trigger away from incoherent rage." Most human beings (children and teenagers notwithstanding) feel empathy towards other humans and feel an innate aversion to the sight of others suffering. That's not to say that folks who are easily enraged don't exist, but they are far less common than you're making it out to be.

Also, you've now "talked" to me far more than most people, which means that we're well past the point the effect would remain. You are now immune to whatever ails me - you will never feel the effect directly again.

1. That's not how this works. People who are creepy are generally always creepy. I felt no "effect" upon viewing this thread. If anything, I saw someone in pain and wanted to help them.
2. If this little conversation is more than you get from most people, then I suspect part of your problem is that you don't talk to enough people to have your negative illusions dispelled. If you wallow in self-pity and disillusionment you're never going to see anything that contradicts your negative viewpoint of humanity. If you've been that isolated since your teenage years, that would explain why you apparently think everyone acts like asshole teenagers.

When you do have income again, I strongly suggest looking into therapy, because you seem like you are in a lot of emotional pain and it looks to me like a lot of it is self-inflicted. In the meantime, I have an assignment for you, since you have some spare time - go to a busy coffee shop. Bring a book. Order a coffee. Find yourself a nice chair, and sit there for an hour, discreetly (don't stare at people!) paying attention to your environment. Use the book to hide the fact that you're actually looking around. Watch how human beings interact with one another, and provided you haven't chosen a coffeeshop that is in an utter shithole part of town, I have faith that you'll see no hair-line triggers and no bestial squabbling. Pay attention to their body language and compare it with your own - people without much social experience tend to have odd, off-putting body language. Everything you've said so far has strengthened the off-putting body language/presentation hypothesis.

When this thread is finished, can I request it be deleted? I don't want future employers using this as ammunition.

I don't think your employers will be able to find this unless you explicitly and publically provided a link between your GDnet account name and your real name or contact details.

Bear in mind that "resting bitch-face" is a thing, so even your average human will sometimes see negativity where none actually exists!

This is the only part of that paragraph that makes sense - people seeing something in me that doesn't actually exist. I haven't had a clue what it was until recently, and I can still be sold on alternatives despite my recent discovery.

How do you usually dress when you visit the supermarket? Do you often leave the house without taking care of personal grooming and hygene?

My hygiene and grooming is rigorous, while plain - designed to fade into the scenery. I dress reasonably casual - no different than what you'd see programmers wear at the office. No worse than what others wear at the supermarket, and better than some.

How much thought have you given to precisely why you're getting all this negative attention? You come across as having not given this much thought beyond "people hate me for some reason."

Then I am a complete failure at communication - I spend significant hours a week wondering why people hate me, ever since grade school. There is no logic in it.

You see yourself as "The Other;" what is the source of that Otherness?

I don't see me as "the Other" - other people see me as the Ur-Other; every human being sees me like bigots see minorites. They see me as a living, breathing example of something that tries to hurdle the Uncanny Valley and fails. Imagine an example from the Uncanny Valley bumping into you at the store and saying, "excuse me" - that's my life in a nutshell.

I just want to be treated as an equal, but human beings sense this and try their damnedest to make sure that never happens.

(children and teenagers notwithstanding)

This is the key - most human beings are stuck in the pre-adult phase of their development. Simply put, the majority of human beings have not and will never grow up. This fact doesn't just explain my problems, it explains damn near every problem society has.

1. That's not how this works. People who are creepy are generally always creepy. I felt no "effect" upon viewing this thread. If anything, I saw someone in pain and wanted to help them.

Looking at this scientifically, I can only really tell you what I observe. Most people react very harshly to my presence based on some unknown trigger. People who get to know me well enough "get used" to me and treat me normally. That's what I know for sure - everything else is speculation. I have no idea what goes on in their brains.

2. If this little conversation is more than you get from most people, then I suspect part of your problem is that you don't talk to enough people to have your negative illusions dispelled. If you wallow in self-pity and disillusionment you're never going to see anything that contradicts your negative viewpoint of humanity. If you've been that isolated since your teenage years, that would explain why you apparently think everyone acts like asshole teenagers.

When you do have income again, I strongly suggest looking into therapy, because you seem like you are in a lot of emotional pain and it looks to me like a lot of it is self-inflicted. In the meantime, I have an assignment for you, since you have some spare time - go to a busy coffee shop. Bring a book. Order a coffee. Find yourself a nice chair, and sit there for an hour, discreetly (don't stare at people!) paying attention to your environment. Use the book to hide the fact that you're actually looking around. Watch how human beings interact with one another, and provided you haven't chosen a coffeeshop that is in an utter shithole part of town, I have faith that you'll see no hair-line triggers and no bestial squabbling. Pay attention to their body language and compare it with your own - people without much social experience tend to have odd, off-putting body language. Everything you've said so far has strengthened the off-putting body language/presentation hypothesis.

I am not about to risk my neck for your little experiment. When we can gamble your life to prove your point, send me an e-mail.

Also, I observe humanity a lot - I have to see trouble coming from a mile away to make sure I can deal with them with the few resources I have. Do you know what I see? I see Pulse Shootings and campus pepper-sprayings and church bombings. I see Trayvon Martin and Brandon Teena and Matthew Shepard and know for a fact that I am one butterfly-wing-flap away from suffering the same fate. I know what people are capable of - and don't me garbage about these events are "outliers" or some other story - this happens too often even if those were the only events of their kind.

As long as innocent people are being blown up or shot or beaten to death, I will fear human beings - and rightly so.

I don't think your employers will be able to find this unless you explicitly and publically provided a link between your GDnet account name and your real name or contact details.

I have seen links between this handle and my name on the internet before - I believe I have scrubbed them all, but I can't be sure. Regardless, if someone wants to find a connection between the two, they will find it - hell, I know how to write that spider myself.

I have never encountered "dirty looks" from complete strangers at the supermarket for no reason at all.

Be thankful you have never been the subject of such bigotry.

Your life, and possibly the lives of those near you, depends on it.

The only people near me are my enemies, and my life only matters to the point that my continued existence stymies and frustrates those enemies.

This is the only part of that paragraph that makes sense - people seeing something in me that doesn't actually exist. I haven't had a clue what it was until recently, and I can still be sold on alternatives despite my recent discovery.

My point with that was actually that you were seeing things in others that isn't there, but sure, you might have resting bitch-face, too. I believe it has been shown that people with depression or anxiety problems tend to perceive neutral expressions as negative and positive expressions as neutral.

My hygiene and grooming is rigorous, while plain - designed to fade into the scenery. I dress reasonably casual - no different than what you'd see programmers wear at the office. No worse than what others wear at the supermarket, and better than some.

This strengthens the off-putting body language hypothesis. I once again suggest talking to someone about all this and asking questions.

I am not about to risk my neck for your little experiment. When we can gamble your life to prove your point, send me an e-mail.

Are you saying that you actually believe that hanging out in any random coffeeshop is risking your life? I need to know what city you live in so I can never go there.

Also, I observe humanity a lot - I have to see trouble coming from a mile away to make sure I can deal with them with the few resources I have. Do you know what I see? I see Pulse Shootings and campus pepper-sprayings and church bombings. I see Trayvon Martin and Brandon Teena and Matthew Shepard and know for a fact that I am one butterfly-wing-flap away from suffering the same fate. I know what people are capable of - and don't me garbage about these events are "outliers" or some other story - this happens too often even if those were the only events of their kind.

Watching the news does not count as "observing humanity." The media profits more from bad news than good news, so they don't show all the nice things that happen in the world - mostly just the bad stuff, because that's what grabs people's attention. This is yet another suggestion to me that you need to leave your bubble and actually see how real human beings (as opposed to media caricatures) interact with one another. And yes, those people and events ARE outliers, and pointing that out isn't "garbage." You're treating outliers as the norm. That's fallacious thinking and wrong. Just because bad things happen doesn't mean that the world is shit. Claiming that you are "one butterfly wing away" from something terrible is not a fact, it is total hyperbole at best and complete bullshit at worst. If you live in the US, your chances of being caught up in a terrorist act are less than being struck by lightning!

Everything I'm seeing here suggests to me that:
1. your lack of social experience has caused you to retain mannerisms that are off-putting to others.
2. you have some kind of anxiety disorder (probably as a result of your past) and it's warping your understanding of reality.

Both of these problems are fixable. I know 41 years of experience tell you otherwise, but you don't have to go through life surrounded by enemies. Please, for your own sake, seek help.

This strengthens the off-putting body language hypothesis. I once again suggest talking to someone about all this and asking questions.

1) Body language shouldn't drive people to violence, or even visible disgust. This sounds more like a flaw in the human race than it does myflaw.
2) Forcibly altering how I hold my body would be visibly uncomfortable - I imagine that would be more off-putting than my natural stance.
3) Who the hell would I trust to ask?

Are you saying that you actually believe that hanging out in any random coffeeshop is risking your life? I need to know what city you live in so I can never go there.

Anywhere, U.S.A. - but you don't have to worry, they're not after you.

Watching the news does not count as "observing humanity."

No kidding - I over-simplified and omitted a large part of my intelligence-gathering operatus to avoid confusing you or boring you.

Everything I'm seeing here suggests to me that:
1. your lack of social experience has caused you to retain mannerisms that are off-putting to others.

I will admit my social skills are not up to par - the problem is that to get any more skilled, I need other people who will meet me half-way to practice those skills with. Unfortunately, people will not tolerate others whose social skills are not perfect - anyone whose level of social skill is less than what is necessary for their age is immediately ejected from acceptance and can never return.

2. you have some kind of anxiety disorder (probably as a result of your past) and it's warping your understanding of reality.

My understanding of reality must be crystal clear in order to survive - I submit that you're understanding of reality is mildly skewed. Judging by your refusal to believe how bad things are, you are probably straight, white, and male - you have no idea how much your privileged lets you avoid the nasty side of life.

Please, for your own sake, seek help.

The only help I need is to hack the minds of humanity so I can get past their prejudices. But very few psychologists are willing to share their knowledge in an offensive capacity.

No kidding - I over-simplified and omitted a large part of my intelligence-gathering operatus to avoid confusing you or boring you. ... The only help I need is to hack the minds of humanity so I can get past their prejudices. But very few psychologists are willing to share their knowledge in an offensive capacity.

With that, I take it we're all done with the "aged out of the game industry" and "looking for other fields where game development skills are useful" topics.

If the discussion here is even remotely similar to how you act in the workplace, I can assure you it isn't your age or software development skills that are keeping you unemployed. Please seek professional help.